Dear Diary,

mood...apathetic, hahaha. i was going to write something here but after further consideration i have deemed it, for now, to be for my eyes only

Lucky

Recently i've been laying awake at night, just thinking about how lucky i am. Last night was no exception, I lay thinking about how lucky/happy i am, unable to sleep because of my mind racing with the thought. A huge smile on my face............see you next Friday : )

Elation

I am the happiest i've been in as long as i can remember. When you are absolutely certain about how you feel about someone whats the point in waiting? I am so happy we are together, and i care about you so much, I miss you already but I take solace in the fact that no matter how far apart we are, I still always feel so close to you. i cant wait till i can see you again, ill be counting the days.......

I have learned that neither time nor distance changes the way you feel about someone, especially someone that can make you happy without even having to try. i had an amazing time in Madison this weekend, and i'm sad it had to end. goodbyes are never easy, but it helps a lot when its just a "see you soon"

Jealousy

jealousy is an ugly thing......

sleepless....

totally running on empty right now, last night was filled with 20 min of sleep and then dreams i didnt want to see in which i woke myself up to escape...i dont know how many restless nights i'll have to put up with before they stop......i do have next weekend to look forward to though, i cant wait to go up to madison. and last weekend in iowa was a blast too, and i should be getting my matches tickets in the mail any day, its nice to have things to look forward to.

class started today, seems like it should be an easy semester, but also kinda boring. the gas im gonna use from driving out there 3 times a week is gonna kill me. i am excited though because i have a few trips coming up, ill be in Iowa City this weekend and then Madison a few weeks after that. so that's whats keeping me going haha. I'm really grateful for my friends that stuck around because i miss the ones that left alot, cant wait till thanksgiving, and cant wait to visit in the next few weeks.

(none)

i don't know what i thought would come of us, but i really can't be surprised. with you there and me here it would be very hard to make something work. maybe i was just being overly optimistic in thinking that it might. yes I'm sad, but at the same time i know i said all i could, you know how i feel, and that there isn't any other way to explain my feelings than the way i have, and you know they wont change. I suppose all i can do is hope for the future. I'm very glad we are still going to be in each others lives though, you've become such a huge part of mine i can't think of what i would do if you werent in it anymore. and you thought i wouldnt want to visit anymore hahaha, i guess ill just have to take it one day at a time now. still cant wait to see you

proactive?

nothing has changed....it is still impossible to keep you from my mind, not that i would want to...but instead of being sad all the time now, i'm trying to turn my free time into something productive. i joined a gym this morning and i'm writing in this blog.... haha well its a start. the last few days were probably some of my hardest ever. but now im trying to stay positive with the knowledge that i will be seeing you soon. just know that i miss you and care about you more than i know how....23 more days....................................

missing pieces

this was a facebook note, but i guess ill put it on here, i might be having a lot to say lately and i found it helps to write things down.

time is crawling by at a snails pace.......i wish i could fast forward ahead to 25 days from now. The earlier i wake up the more it feels like a longer day i have to go without seeing you. if i constantly keep myself busy i find i don't think about things as much, everything i do though doesn't seem quite as fun, like a part of me is removed. all summer i was dreading school starting, people leaving. but now i almost want it to start just so i can have something to do to pass the time faster. the best part of my days is when we talk, and after that its just like waiting until we do again. but i think it would all be worth it, because i care about you more than i know how.